My sheets look like a crime scene.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
