Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
