HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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