I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
