Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
