Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
