She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
