the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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