Since when is my name a synonym for head?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
