U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
