are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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