six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
