Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
