I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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