trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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