I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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