I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
