Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My dick has a subreddit
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
