piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
