in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
you never un-have a 4some
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
