He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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