What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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