Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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