If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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