Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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