she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
