Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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