what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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