We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
