just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
