Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
