The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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