I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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