i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
