It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
