The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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