I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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