Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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