i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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