Well douche your snatch and let's go!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
