nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
