You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
