I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
