The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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