you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
