i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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