I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
They are going to name an STD after you.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
