i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
