addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
