Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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