Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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