and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
