you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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